sharkgotballs | One Fish; VIDEO

One Fish; VIDEO

[the feed blips on to a very put-out looking horsea in the grip of a very put-out looking Italian man with ink all over his face. You know that stereotype about Italians talking with their hands? This one bitches with his hands. That poor horsea going this way and that as the man flails and yells at the screen.]

[Very. Loudly.]

VOOOOOIIIIII! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING, YOU STUPID FUCKS! SOMEONE BETTER TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK I AM AND WHY THE FUCK MY BOX WEAPON HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH THIS STUP-- GODFUCKINGDAMMIIIIIIIT!!

Horsea!

[Yep. Inked again.]

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And I'm figuring you're an idiooot, so in the end I guess it all works out.

Oi. You're making it really hard for me to become friends with you. We were onto a very awkward start when you were first here, but now... I don't know.

Oh noooo. How am I ever gonna get over the loss?

[He's just prickly, like a cactus. A cactus that happens to spit needles at random people.]

You can get over it when I punch you for kissing my girlfriend.

[He is normally very friendly with people, but that was a BIG NO in his book.]

[Blink blink.]

Hey. If you're going to try and punch me for kissing your girlfriend, I better damn well get to kiss your girlfriend. Because in caaase you missed the memo? I just fucking got here!

--If you ever try that again, I'll just have to get a metal bat. An assassin of your caliber can take some blunt metal to the head, right? Surely, a normal human like me wouldn't even be able to lay a scratch on you.

[SIGH. He knows that, but he's... still bitter over it. As much as he doesn't want to hold a grudge.] I'm sure you're a good guy... somewhere, but just don't make the same mistake again.

Wooow, kid. You're really funny! First of all, I don't even know the chick in question, so getting your panties in a twist over something I haven't fucking done is your problem, not mine. If you're going to hold some fucking grudge over shit I haven't even done, you better fucking believe I'll do something to earn it!

Secondly? I don't give a shit. Like you said, you can't touch me, and I'm not going to hesitate to kick your bratty little ass if you try it. Got all thaaat?

Oi, oi! First of all, that was sarcasm if you didn't get the memo earlier! And second, Maebara Keiichi never goes down without a fight! Whenever I'm kicked in the mud, I just get back up more stronger than before! Like a phoenix from the ashes!

Anyway, I'll accept this truce. But if you do end up doing something to Lucifer, then you fucking believe that I'll make you regret it. Do you got all of that?

Then I'll just kick you back down again, trash.

Not that it's any of your fucking business, but chicks who're spoken for aren't really my type, so you've been making a big shitstorm out of nothing from the start. Idiot.

[This whole argument is kind of a surreal experience for him, really. He'd be lying if he said it wasn't amusing as fuck to him, though.]

Right back at you, ass. We'll keep fighting forev--

[........]

Wahaha! Oh, really? I just assumed that Italian guys always smooched on girls regardless of their relationship status. Kinda like how the french always kiss people whenever they say hello.

Edited 2011-12-20 01:00 (UTC)

...Whaaaat.

VOOOOOIIII!!! I'M NOT A WALKING STEREOTYPE YOU FUCKING BRAAAAAAT!

... Speaking of relationships, I think your boss is in one.

I HAVE DIGNITY YOU SON OF A--

What.

He's been hanging out a lot with this guy with a top hat... Layton-san, I think.

--They seem to do everything together. Heck, they were even sleeping in the same tent once.

[Well played, sir. Squalo's brain has come to a screeching halt.]

...What.

[Okay, there's no way in hell Xanxus can ignore this.]

Enough with the shitty fucking rumors.

THERE ARE EVEN RUMORS ABOUT IIIT?!

Oh hey, Xanxus-san! Are you still tsundere over this? Just admit that you like him.

I'm not fucking tsundere.

[Yes, he knows what that means.]

What the fuck is tsundere?

[He doesn't!]

[DRAMATICALLY BALLS UP HIS FIST AND LIFTS IT.]

I'm glad you asked! A tsundere is a person who is really cold and mean on the outside, but they're actually really kind on the inside! It's a very popular trait that you see around lately! Whenever you meet a girl and she treats you badly, you just can't help and want to see if you can press her buttons to make her blush and stammer and say "Y-you idiot! It's not that I wanted to do this for you!" There are plenty of "something-deres" in this world and I happen to know all of them!

Edited 2011-12-20 02:02 (UTC)

[Why? Why did he have to ask? It feels like his brain has been violated by Straight Lussuria. And that is shudder-worthy.]

...Voooiii. That shit doesn't sound anything like Boss.

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