sharkgotballs | One Fish; VIDEO

One Fish; VIDEO

[the feed blips on to a very put-out looking horsea in the grip of a very put-out looking Italian man with ink all over his face. You know that stereotype about Italians talking with their hands? This one bitches with his hands. That poor horsea going this way and that as the man flails and yells at the screen.]

[Very. Loudly.]

VOOOOOIIIIII! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING, YOU STUPID FUCKS! SOMEONE BETTER TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK I AM AND WHY THE FUCK MY BOX WEAPON HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH THIS STUP-- GODFUCKINGDAMMIIIIIIIT!!

Horsea!

[Yep. Inked again.]

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Heeeey, I'll get mine when you're sitting in the old man's chair and using his back for a footstool.

[Griiiinning. That's right, him and his totally awesome promise.]

And anywaaaay, at least I never look like a rat decided to nest on my head.

[No it's the stupidest fucking promise ever.]

Shut up.

[Meanwhile, the Luxray is just going to curl up next to Xanxus now because this conversation is boring.]

[It is the best promise. You know you like it.]

Fuck you.

[He's been distracted from waving his poor Horsea around, so it seems to have calmed down some and is now trying to casually investigate his pockets.]

Where the hell are you, and how do I get there?

[No, it's lame!!]

Saffron City. You're not even fucking close to getting here.

[Considering that Saffron is in another region entirely...]

[Your face is lame!]

Voooiiii! Like I give a fuck how far it is! I'm coming right now, so get used to the idea!

[Squalo is nothing if not determined.]

[Xanxus's face is beautiful!]

...

[God, fine, he'll tell him.]

Go to Goldenrod and take the train. The ticket costs twenty grand.

[Xanxus's face is a scary monster mirrors tell their children about to make them behave.]

And where, exactly, do I pull twenty grand frooom? My ass?

[Whatever, Squalo is just jealous.]

Get a fucking job, dumbass.

[Hell no! Squalo's face is much better looking. And currently has an expression akin to mild horror plastered all over it, coincidentally.]

Whaaat, like... a legit job? With hourly pay and ugly uniforms and shit?

[Boss. Boss. What are you even suggesting here.]

[Meanwhile Xanxus isn't even batting an eye. Can Squalo tell how long he's been here?]

Yeah. Better fucking get used to it.

[Sorry, did you say something, Boss? Squalo was too busy trying to pinch himself awake to listen.]

Ow! Fuck!

[...Wow, Squalo. So immature.]

Just get the fucking money and get your ass over here. I'm not waiting for you if you take too damn long to get here.

[...only sometimes.]

VOOOOIII! I'll get there when I get there, so deal with it! Shitty impatient boss!

[Squalonese for "I'll come as fast as I possibly can."]

Stop fucking disappearing all the time.

[Yeah, he mad.]

I'm not going anywhere, Boss. Deal with it.

[He doesn't really get it, but he doesn't intend to leave. Not until Boss leaves.]

Good.

[He just hopes that Squalo can keep his promise this time. Stop making Xanxus deal with these shitheads all by himself.]

[If he ever said it like that, Squalo would probably look like a kicked puppy for just a moment, man.]

How long have you been here, anyway?

Almost a year.

I bet you're fat and rusty, stupid Boss.

[He doesn't mean it! ...Much!]

Come over here and I'll show you how fucking fat and rusty I am, shark trash.

[Meaning he's going to destroy you.]

My heart might break if I have to witness that in person. There could be teeeears.

[He's going to enjoy every minute of it.]

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One Fish; VIDEO

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